Thursday, February 19, 2009

only too damned well

I only came in here to inquire the way to the nearest cinema. I am a respectable woman, une femme convenable, on her way to the nearest cinema. Faites comme les autres -- that's been my motto all my life. Faites comme les autres, damn you.

And a lot he cares -- I could have spared myself the trouble. But this is my attitude to life. Please, please, monsieur et madame, mister, missis and miss, I am trying so hard to be like you. I know I don't succeed, but look how hard I try. Three hours to choose a hat; every morning an hour and a half trying to make myself look like everybody else. Every word I say has chains round its ankles; every thought I think is weighted with heavy weights. Since I was born, hasn't every word I've said, every thought I've thought, everything I've done, been tied up, weighted, and chained? And, mind you, I know that with all this I don't succeed. Or I succeed in flashes only too damned well. . . But think how hard I try and how seldom I dare. Think -- and have a bit of pity. That is, if you ever think, you apes, which I doubt.

Now the waiter has finished telling me how to get to the nearest cinema.

'Another Pernod,' I say.
Good Morning Midnight, Jean Rhys
Photo: August Shop Blog via Dank En


secret, fragile skies said...

You're killing me with all this Rhys. Need to reread all her books now and stock up on Pernod. Thanks!

Erica said...

I know, it's funny I'm posting all this gloomy Rhys when I'm in a rather sunny, upbeat state of mind...

theue said...

the first two lines...and i knew.

how are you loveliest of the lovely?

i owe you a novella.